Without the ability to judge people and ostracize the ones who are different, humanity may not have survived. They didn’t have the term neurodivergent, but they understood the concept. All the ‘isms and phobias society has are not new constructs. They are as old as the human race.  As humans were evolving the common size of a tribe was around 120 – 150  people. It would only take one or two problematic people to seriously jeopardize the survival of the tribe. According to a paper by Kurzban & Leary  in the Psychological bulletin, there were three problematic categories that tribes wanted to exclude.

• Poor social exchange partners – freeloaders, lazy or selfish tribe members were a threat to everyone’s survival.
• Threats to group cohesion – overly aggressive, disengaged or unpredictable people were seen as dangerous or untrustworthy.
• Perceived disease carriers – unusual looking people or those with unusual movement and speech patterns triggered a tribe’s disease avoidance instinct.

People who were deemed a threat to the tribe were ostracized. Researchers refer to this as “the social death.” Partly because you were dead to that society. More importantly, being left on your own, meant almost certain actual death.

Origin of the Idiot

The word idiot comes from the ancient Greek idiotes, meaning a person who didn’t participate in collective life. Aristotle defined a human being as “an animal of the polis”, meaning a person who took part in the collective. Pericles said that a human being who does not take part in public duties “is worse than unambitious, but is useless.” By the 13^th century, French and English had transformed idiotes into an insult – a label for the unintelligent rather than simply the uninvolved. They believed that people could only learn from other people, so someone who was an outsider was worthy of disdain.

In effect, through biology as well as culture, we have developed into a people who form groups – eager to exclude people who are not like ourselves, and being disdainful of anyone who is outside of our group. Whether that is a clique in high school, a work department, a country, a race or a religion. Our first instinct is to exclude “others”, which makes our second instinct to find a way to fit in. Our wiring and our culture make us want to avoid looking like an “idiot.”

The Drive to Exclude

Our survival as a tribe or group historically required finding a homogenous group. It was important that everyone act and interact in the same way. Anyone who challenged the established status quo was considered a threat. The three main threatening characteristics were the following.

Poor social exchange partners – Freeloaders, lazy & selfish

While we may no longer need everyone to hunt and gather in order to survive, laziness and selfishness are still built in triggers for judgement. When people talk about Gen Z being more focused on designing their lifestyle than working, that’s what this is. People with dyslexia can struggle getting reading assignments done and people with ADHD can struggle with starting tasks or completing tasks, both of which can look like laziness. The misunderstanding and mislabeling of these traits can cause serious damage to an otherwise promising career.

Threats to group cohesion – Aggressive, disengaged or unpredictable

It is easy to perceive behavior we don’t understand as threatening. Going to dinner at another family’s house is the simplest example. Dinners growing up in my household were boisterous and filled with laughter. I have been to other households where it seems like they were arguing the whole time, which made me anxious, but that was just how they expressed themselves. In other families everyone is silent, which felt like they were mad at one another, but they were actually just focused on their food.

The hyper part of ADHD can feel like aggression. Introverted people and those coping with fatigue and depression (often brought on by masking) can seem to be disengaged. Responding in unexpected ways due to any number of neurodivergences is often seen as unpredictable. People feel most comfortable when they know what to expect, anything outside of that can feel like a threat.

Perceived disease carriers – unusual looks, movements or speech patterns

Ethnicity, country of origin and age affect physical characteristics as well as the way people speak and dress. This category may be an underlying cause for nationalism, ageism, and a range of other ‘isms we don’t need to discuss.

Dyslexia affects speech patterns, especially written. Autism can cause uncommon sensitivities to contact as well as different speech patterns. Tourette syndrome causes tics in both speech and body movement. We may not consciously be thinking of these symptoms as signs of disease, but millions of years of evolution rule our subconscious.

The Drive to Fit In

Excluding people unlike ourselves is the first instinct, and it necessitates the second – the drive to fit in. One of the most cited papers in social psychology is by Baumeister & Leary. It shows that the lack of attachments, and the resulting mental & emotional strain, lead to a variety of ill effects on both physical and mental health.

People have a strong desire, even a need, to form social attachments and to keep them. Family, loved ones and children, friends, interest groups and co-workers; we are continually trying to form and keep social bonds. In order to do that, “people will often adjust their behaviors and self-presentation to facilitate belongingness.”

Adjusting how we show up depending on who we’re with is common. Everyone adapts at least a little depending on the group that they are interacting with. The way you talk with your boss’s boss, your co-worker and your child, are likely somewhat different. The problem comes when we have a character trait that triggers one of the exclusionary instincts written about above, causing the need to constantly adjust our behavior to fit in, draining energy from more productive activities.

The Trouble With Masking

This adjustment in the way we present ourselves and communicate is commonly called masking. There are many reasons why people mask. Some are visible differences, but many are invisible. Activity groups and friends who accept you as you are can be sought out. In the workplace, it is much more likely that suppressing certain traits is going to be required. That constant need to mask traits and behaviors takes its toll.

We are no longer living in tribes of 150 people where one unpredictable member could mean the difference between survival and starvation. We should have evolved past these ancient instincts — and for reasons of basic justice, we should be actively working to. The research is also clear that organizations perform better when they draw from the full range of human thinking. Understanding these instincts for what they are is the first step toward overriding them.

And yet. Masking is still very much a daily reality for a significant portion of the population. The ancient wiring hasn’t caught up with the modern workplace. Next week we go deeper — what masking actually costs the people doing it, and why some people pay a much higher price than others.

Does this resonate with you?

Most people who mask regularly don’t call it that, even though it is required every day. We just call it getting through another day. Think about the activities or groups where you completely let your guard down. Where you don’t have to think about how you’re coming across. Where you can just… be. For a lot of people, that feeling of relief is the clearest signal that the rest of the time, they’re working harder than those around them realize.

If you recognized the need to regularly adjust your behavior in order to fit in, you’re not alone and you’re not broken. You’re human. And you’ve been doing what humans have always done to survive.

Next week we go deeper: what masking actually is, what it costs, and why some people pay a much higher price than others.

If ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or any of the conditions that show up in this kind of conversation feel familiar, there’s more where this came from. The full series lives on my blog — each article pairs the research with practical implications for the workplace.

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