For some people, the word truth always seems like it is capitalized. Truth. Things are black and white. Two smart professionals can look at the same situation and reach completely different conclusions — each completely certain they are right. That is black-and-white thinking at work. There is little chance that they will change their mind and you always know where they stand. For others, the world is filled with shades of gray. The truth is more subjective and context matters. A common refrain for them is “it depends.”

Black and white

Certainty-based environments — high-stakes industries, structured institutions, disciplined households — tend to produce black-and-white thinkers. There is a right way and a wrong way.

Research shows that consistency in a leader, knowing what to expect from them, is crucial. Harvard Business Review identifies consistency as one of the three key factors in building leadership trust. Black-and-white people tend to be decisive in their decision making and lead with confidence. You want the person building a bridge to stick with proven principles and need absolute proof before changing her mind.

The flip side is that they are also less likely to listen to new ideas — missing out on opportunities for innovation and improvement. Their insistence that they know what is right and what is wrong can make them seem judgmental and dismissive.

Shades of gray

Nothing happens in a vacuum. When humans are involved, there are always more variables than could have been predicted. The context of the situation matters, and extenuating circumstances sometimes need to be taken into account.

In an extremely complex world, nuance helps you avoid unnecessary conflict. Including other people’s input, listening to ideas and being open to change can help surface ideas that may never have surfaced otherwise.

The challenge here is that people who live in shades of gray may be less decisive and seem less confident in their decisions. They are also more likely to be swayed by excuses, which encourages people to make more excuses.

A bit of both

Neither way of looking at the world is right or wrong. Some situations require decisive and unflinching decision making. Some situations need to be understood for what they are, complex and nuanced. The challenge is knowing when to apply which lens. Is that just an excuse, or an extenuating circumstance? Is it time to make a firm stand even though you will never have all of the facts?

Working with people who are your opposite is often a challenge. If you see shades of gray and feel like your ideas are being dismissed by someone who is just being stubborn, it is frustrating. I suggest pointing that out by asking a question. “Is there any fact or situation that would get you to change your mind on this?” Answering no will either make them realize that they are being closed off, or will help you understand the situation so that you can stop banging your head against the wall.

If you feel that the other person is being wishy washy or indecisive a question might be “What data point would allow you to have conviction in an answer?” That may either point out where to do research, or help them realize that there is no amount of information that will make them comfortable.

Too much black and white

As frustrating as it can be for these two types to communicate, I have seen the biggest clashes when both people are very black and white. They both know what the Truth is…it’s just that each of them knows a different truth. When this happens, it is very hard for either one to back down.

Before things get too heated, stop and take a deep breath. Accept that what they are saying is their truth. You don’t have to agree with it, but when you recognize that it is their truth, you can stop trying to change their mind. Instead, you can start working towards something that is mutually acceptable.

The framework is the same

The questions I proposed will need to be adapted to the specific situation, but the concept is solid. Recognize when someone is frustrating you because they see the world through a different lens. Accept that it is their truth. Start to ask questions so that you can start to understand why they think what they do and explore how to get on to a mutually acceptable solution.

Whether you see the world as black and white or in shades of gray, it is worth recognizing. The best leaders can pick and choose which lens works best in different situations. The best first step is to pay attention. The next time you see a leader you respect make a difficult decision that involves employees, take a moment to analyze which lens they used when making it.

Have you seen conflicts due to people being recalcitrant on their position, or stagnation due to someone being unable to make a decision? Understanding the black-and-white or shades-of-gray lens can go a long way towards building consensus. Reach out to me here, and I will be glad to explore some solutions with you.